Astroberfest: Six-legged Earthlings

10/02/2017 // 9 Comments

Get ready to chug some stardust—Astroberfest gives you all the right reasons to blastoff and not feel ashamed. Celebrate cosmic wonders: explore dark articles about celestial ghosts, or sip upon the intoxicating aspects of reality. Shivering never felt so good. Let’s begin right here at home. Earth.   A Monster Lives in My Backyard Most people believe monsters don’t exist. Those people are stupid. Don’t listen to them. Step outside your front door. Go on…if you got the guts. Don’t let the pretty sunshine fool your senses into believing everything is okay. [Click Here To Read Article...]

Some Of Us Have Two Assholes

08/17/2016 // 28 Comments

What’s buzzin’, flies? My website is still being updated. I’m not sure when everything will be ready, but until then, please welcome yourself into the eye of my shitstorm. I’ll be honest. The content that’s going to be published the next few weeks will be somewhat unusual. No big deal, right? Yeah. That’s what I thought. Oh. You’re probably wondering about the title of this post. I’ll get to that in a second. It would of been rude if I didn’t address what’s going on around here, and there’s going to be more drastic changes. [Click Here To Read Article...]

Shooting for the Stars: Canon EF 75-300mm Zoom Lens

07/11/2016 // 11 Comments

  Fall in line, trooper! Are you going to cry? Or is that the stellar glimmer of hope shining within your squinting eye? Tuck in your shirt, stand up straight and grab your standard issue Canon EF 75-300mm zoom lens! I’ll see you on the training grounds.   Canon’s EF 75-300mm is a popular lens of choice these days, especially among young soldiers becoming indoctrinated in the art of DSLR photography. This long-range kit lens may come bundled within specialized camera boxes—if you’re willing to exchange your blood, sweat, and tears into monetary [Click Here To Read Article...]

Blame it on the Aliens, Baby!

06/19/2014 // 4 Comments

Aliens. Yes. Aliens. Let’s get to the point, shall we? Aliens have no business perusing a rock that swings around a G-type middle-aged star. Think about it: what the hell does Earth have that’s worth traveling trillions of miles / kilometers for? And don’t say our charming, good looks. As a matter of fact: If you said our charming, good looks, my friend—that would a more valid excuse than water. Water is everywhere. Yeah, that’s right! What? You thought H2O was some mystical, magical element that can only survive on a rock called Earth? HA! Don’t make me laugh, [Click Here To Read Article...]

Don’t Drink The Lemonade!!!

05/20/2014 // 3 Comments

  Theodore marches down the side of a road as wavy specters rise off the blacktop. He wipes sweat off his brow; a blurred shape boils in the distance. The shape solidifies into two amorphous figures. Theodore walks a few more steps, and then squints his eyes: Delicious Lemonade 4 Sale Two little girls stand beside a crystal pitcher and a spire of Styrofoam cups. Theodore pauses; his chest expands as he sucks in hot air through flared nostrils: “I bet you girls are making a killing out here, huh?” They wrap their big blue eyes around the crystal pitcher. “Would you like [Click Here To Read Article...]

Hungry? Stuff Your Mouth with Mouth Stuffers!

01/23/2014 // 2 Comments

Hey, you. Yes — you! Are you feeling tired? Lethargic? Don’t have that energy like you use to? Don’t put up with that any longer! FlyTrapMan’s Mouth Stuffers are the perfect solution to this problem! Made from natural and artificial ingredients, it provides you that sought after spark needed to get through the day! What are you waiting for? Stuff your mouth with Mouth Stuffers! Damn, that was annoying, huh? I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of advertisements. I’ve been sick of it for quite some time, but an incident the other day really chapped my [Click Here To Read Article...]