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FTM Smack Talk: Welcome to the Future

07/07/2019 // 4 Comments

  Innovation is our rocket propulsion. We’re on a collision course with the future. Prepare for impact.     Welcome to the future—it’s not going to last. Are you paying attention? Present moment is now the past. We’re movin’ way too damn fast. Plugged in. Tuned in. Data has been packed— you’re now ready to be mentally hijacked.   Zip zap, can’t awaken from my electrical nap. Bleepity bloops, forgot to install antivirus software. Whoops. Can’t listen to logic or reason—my system must be on mute. Please hold the power button [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Smack Talk: Fake News

06/25/2019 // 3 Comments

  Ignore those pretty faces inside the noisy box—it’s just electronic snow and lies surfin’ along the airwaves. Unplug your computer. Turn up that boombox…it’s time to tune into the truth.     You want the truth? Tune into this lyrical master, or turn on your plasma television—swoon over that sexy newscaster. Charmed. Alarmed. Disarmed. Words coming out of their painted face, lying to the entire human race.   What happened? Did you believe their political ruse? Tuned in and listened to some bullshit fake news.   Runnin’ for [Click Here To Read Article...]

Poetry Absurdity: Bad Words/Potty Mouth

04/22/2019 // 2 Comments

  Foul vowels misbehavin’, nothing but attention cravin’. Go on. Put ’em in timeout. Punish. Shout. Open the box. Given ’em a broken crayon, prove the plan is nothing but a colorful sham. If outta their brain flows verbal crap, Make ’em sit in the dark corner…wear a fuckin’ dunce cap. Don’t ya know swearing lowers your intelligence, it’s nothing but shallow self-expression. No elegance.   [Click Here To Read Article...]

No Money Astronomy: Remastered Edition

12/25/2018 // 14 Comments

  Everyone knows you made the naughty list—a lump of coal ripped a hole in your stocking. You may have enough sedimentary rocks to keep warm during the winter, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be jolly, cheerful or merry. Santa’s elves screwed you over, however, there’s still one more present underneath the tree and it has your name on it. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.     No Money Astronomy: Remastered Edition   Updated information New graphics and photographs All chapters included in a single page     Check this out—the Remastered [Click Here To Read Article...]

Mission to Mars: NASA Lacks InSight

11/29/2018 // 27 Comments

  Have you ever wondered if the Red Planet shakes, rattles and rolls? No? Too bad! NASA filled their bottle rocket and flung a sophisticated ornament at Mars, just in time for the holiday season. InSight blazed a path of hell across space-time, and on November 26, 2018, landed near Elysium Planitia—a flat and lackluster region on Mars…which greatly encapsulates how exciting this mission is going to be.     Elysium Planitia is pretty much a Martian parking lot. The predictable territory makes it difficult for something to go very wrong, and that’s why the region [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Moving Pictures: Halloween Special

10/31/2018 // 17 Comments

  Ghosts, ghouls, and goblins are hunting for artificial flavors and caramel. Bowls of bite-sized chocolate confectionaries keep the undead kids happy, that way they won’t decorate the neighborhood with spoiled eggs or garlands of 2-ply toilet paper. Put on your red devil horns or toss a bedsheet over your head—the spirit of Halloween is gonna possess you. Boo. If you don’t mind sacrificing 49 seconds of your precious life, press the play button and watch the latest Mr. Bonez episode. The stop-motion animation features a few cinematic slashers (one of them just so happens [Click Here To Read Article...]

Cold Words: Tortured

09/11/2018 // 18 Comments

    I make bad choices. I never think more than once. Consequences never matter, until my regret regurgitates and splatters. I’m a tortured individual. Numb. Desperate. Cold, that’s what my reflection told. I have no one else to believe, but myself. I’m a tortured individual. No one else to blame, but myself. Someone like me needs no enemies, because I have myself.   [Click Here To Read Article...]

No Money Astronomy: Book Cover Reveal

09/04/2018 // 18 Comments

  You want to observe the night sky, but you also don’t want to sacrifice your fat piggy bank. Telescopes, eyepieces, binoculars, planetary filters, camera adapters…amateur astronomers use a variety of fancy toys to peek at the universe, however, these fancy toys cost an astronomical amount of cash. Flip through a telescope catalog and you’ll be dazzled by the expensive glass, but there’s just one itsy-bitsy problem—the cost. Some telescopes cost as much as a cheap car, and if you don’t have the funds of a supervillain, well…you’re shit out of [Click Here To Read Article...]

Slasher Theory: More Monstrous Than Monsters

08/29/2018 // 13 Comments

  What is a monster? You know it when you see it, right? Fangs…claws…wings—horrific entities that extract fear out of helpless humans. Anyone can see the demon behind the horns, but what about the demon behind the smile? They say people are the scariest of all monsters. Unassuming citizens can slip past our defenses and stab us in the back. We’d never see it coming. A monster may have a mouth full of teeth, but a slasher understands our vulnerabilities. The slasher’s dark attributes define what it means to be a true monster. Monsters are limited by sharp teeth [Click Here To Read Article...]

Nocturnal Nightmares: Chapter 2

08/26/2018 // 15 Comments

  You retreated into the woods, and your friend is probably dead. The squishy stuff on your shoes could be blood, mud or both. The woods never tell their secrets. Alone. Lost. Hopeless. Find a way to survive until morning, or nocturnal nightmares shall forever keep you awake at night.     Sometimes making a decision is the hardest choice. Fear wraps its cold hands around your shivering bones—strike your courage as if it were your last piece of flint, and ignite the ember that sets your will to live on fire. When it’s dark outside, the only light comes from within. [Click Here To Read Article...]