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Talkin’ Smack: Handbasket

09/06/2019 // 4 Comments

  Is it getting hot in here, or is just me? Someone needs to crack open a window. Throw these words through the glass. Let in some fresh air.     Pump the sky full of car exhaust. We can risk it, all we have to do is tax it, enjoy the ride— We’re going to hell in a handbasket.   Weatherman was just exaggerating, while icebergs are still melting. You’d have a different opinion, perhaps even care, If you were drowning like a polar bear.   Turn on the television. Numbers were just an illusion. None of it will ever matta, Emails proved researchers falsified [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Smack Talk: Welcome to the Future

07/07/2019 // 9 Comments

  Innovation is our rocket propulsion. We’re on a collision course with the future. Prepare for impact.     Welcome to the future—it’s not going to last. Are you paying attention? Present moment is now the past. We’re movin’ way too damn fast. Plugged in. Tuned in. Data has been packed— you’re now ready to be mentally hijacked.   Zip zap, can’t awaken from my electrical nap. Bleepity bloops, forgot to install antivirus software. Whoops. Can’t listen to logic or reason—my system must be on mute. Please hold the power button [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Smack Talk: Fake News

06/25/2019 // 6 Comments

  Ignore those pretty faces inside the noisy box—it’s just electronic snow and lies surfin’ along the airwaves. Unplug your computer. Turn up that boombox…it’s time to tune into the truth.     You want the truth? Tune into this lyrical master, or turn on your plasma television—swoon over that sexy newscaster. Charmed. Alarmed. Disarmed. Words coming out of their painted face, lying to the entire human race.   What happened? Did you believe their political ruse? Tuned in and listened to some bullshit fake news.   Runnin’ for [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Smack Talk: Strange Weirdo

06/14/2019 // 3 Comments

  All right. Listen up. This one is dedicated to the nerds, geeks, and strange weirdos. You know who you are. Ready. Set. Go.   People think these thick ass lenses are flyin’ saucers. If I’m walkin’ funny, take a look at my high waters. They look and say, “Oh”. That’s what happens when I’m mistaken for an alien or UFO.   Ignore snarky sneers from pesky peers. Remarks 100% inconsiderate. Open your metal mouth and prove they ain’t nothin’ but stupid and illiterate.   Their style is tasteless. May as well be a [Click Here To Read Article...]

Poetry Absurdity: Bad Words/Potty Mouth

04/22/2019 // 2 Comments

  Foul vowels misbehavin’, nothing but attention cravin’. Go on. Put ’em in timeout. Punish. Shout. Open the box. Given ’em a broken crayon, prove the plan is nothing but a colorful sham. If outta their brain flows verbal crap, Make ’em sit in the dark corner…wear a fuckin’ dunce cap. Don’t ya know swearing lowers your intelligence, it’s nothing but shallow self-expression. No elegance.   [Click Here To Read Article...]

No Money Astronomy: Remastered Edition

12/25/2018 // 14 Comments

  Everyone knows you made the naughty list—a lump of coal ripped a hole in your stocking. You may have enough sedimentary rocks to keep warm during the winter, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be jolly, cheerful or merry. Santa’s elves screwed you over, however, there’s still one more present underneath the tree and it has your name on it. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.     No Money Astronomy: Remastered Edition   Updated information New graphics and photographs All chapters included in a single page     Check this out—the Remastered [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Moving Pictures: Gingerbread House

12/13/2018 // 14 Comments

    Let’s face it…you’re getting coal in your stocking. You made the wrong side of the list, but that doesn’t mean your holiday season has melted. Santa’s exploited elves carved plenty of useless toys, however, you’re not gonna get that wooden train you wanted as a kid. Don’t look at me like that! Blame Saint Nicholas or your big bad self. Happy holidays. No worries—even bad rugrats should get a little something something for Christmas, right? Of course! Let’s keep this early secret between you and I. Please don’t tell the fat, [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Moving Pictures: Halloween Special

10/31/2018 // 17 Comments

  Ghosts, ghouls, and goblins are hunting for artificial flavors and caramel. Bowls of bite-sized chocolate confectionaries keep the undead kids happy, that way they won’t decorate the neighborhood with spoiled eggs or garlands of 2-ply toilet paper. Put on your red devil horns or toss a bedsheet over your head—the spirit of Halloween is gonna possess you. Boo. If you don’t mind sacrificing 49 seconds of your precious life, press the play button and watch the latest Mr. Bonez episode. The stop-motion animation features a few cinematic slashers (one of them just so happens [Click Here To Read Article...]

Nocturnal Nightmares: Chapter 2

08/26/2018 // 15 Comments

  You retreated into the woods, and your friend is probably dead. The squishy stuff on your shoes could be blood, mud or both. The woods never tell their secrets. Alone. Lost. Hopeless. Find a way to survive until morning, or nocturnal nightmares shall forever keep you awake at night.     Sometimes making a decision is the hardest choice. Fear wraps its cold hands around your shivering bones—strike your courage as if it were your last piece of flint, and ignite the ember that sets your will to live on fire. When it’s dark outside, the only light comes from within. [Click Here To Read Article...]

Fearology: Paradox of Mortality

08/20/2018 // 13 Comments

    Fear is a biological mechanism which can either kill or save you. All of us are scared of something, however, some people are either paralyzed by fear or motivated to wrestle the hungry polar bear. If a Mack Truck is blazing a path of hell down the street, and you so happen to be standing in the way—there are only 3 choices: fight, flight or become roadkill.         Fear preserves life or causes it to prematurely deteriorate into perpetual death. Everyone felt the cold hands of fear wrap around their soul. A hideous phobia has the potential to put [Click Here To Read Article...]