The Written Word

Cosmic Headbangers

08/10/2017 // 10 Comments

  Planet Earth was jabbed in the eye 65 million years ago—an asteroid dropped from the cosmic vault and KO’d the dinosaurs. The scar can still be seen today, just off the coast of the Yucatan Peninsula. Earth was involved in another brawl much earlier in it’s boxing career. Thea, a young proto-planet, delivered a glancing blow across the jaw. Theia wasn’t a lightweight asteroid, either! The heavy hitter was about the size of Mars, and if Theia landed a solid uppercut, Earth’s face would have exploded into 14 bazillion pieces. But… …that didn’t [Click Here To Read Article...]

No Money Astronomy: Let’s Sneak Into The Amusement Park

01/17/2017 // 9 Comments

The universe is a giant amusement park, and you’re not welcome to climb aboard the pretty galactic Ferris wheel. Why? Because you must be THIS tall! Or so it seems. Many people sacrificed their piggy banks to the amateur astronomy gods, but all they got in return was some lousy glass. True story. Telescopes, eye pieces, mounts, filters—these toys can be…ummm…expensive. And that means the admittance price must be literally sky high if you want to enjoy the amusement park above your head. Come on! If you think that’s true, then you haven’t been paying attention! [Click Here To Read Article...]

Are You In A Piss-Poor Mood?

01/12/2017 // 10 Comments

This is how the scientific community defines a ‘piss-poor mood’: an individual infected with a nonsensical, or emotionally volatile attachment to unjustified anger or hate. Hey! Wanna see if you’re in a piss-poor mood? Step right up, and take this simple test. Don’t be shy. No judgments. Your stomach tingles every morning, and not in a good way. Was it the elderly lady in front of you at the local food mart? Her coupons expired, right?  You could have stomped on a baby seal and not given two measly shits. Sound familiar? Congratulations! You’re in a piss-poor [Click Here To Read Article...]

Put On Your Coat Before You Read This Post

12/24/2016 // 8 Comments

Brrr! It’s a winter wonderland out there. A mysterious substance thrives in cold temperatures—frost. Oh, you heard of it, right? The stuff you have to scrape off your car windshield every damn morning (if you happen to be an unlucky individual). Frost is often ignored, and for good reason.     Why would any sane person want to take a closer look at something which usually causes a minor inconvenience? Snow gets all the attention. You can ski on snow, even sled! When is the last time someone skied on frost? “Hey Jim! Let’s go hit the slopes! There’s a [Click Here To Read Article...]

The Stuff Sparkles Are Made Of

12/20/2016 // 24 Comments

  Have you ever picked up a fancy holiday relic, and then discovered that your hands are covered in sparkly shit? You know…those itsy-bitsy shiny particles. Yeah. Those things. You can blow, rub, wipe, smear—it doesn’t matter! Glitter has a great reputation of pissing people off. Think about it. How many times have you looked down and gritted your teeth at a constellation of sparkles across the palm of your hand? Or… …What about those red face inducing moments that occurred when you looked in the mirror and witnessed sparkly shiny things all over your forehead? [Click Here To Read Article...]

December’s Supermoon Is Coming To Town!

12/13/2016 // 12 Comments

You better start crying…you better start pouting…I’m gonna tell you why! Santa Claus is not coming to town. A supermoon is scheduled to throw on its cape and clog the sky on December 13, 2016. But that’s not all. Space is the gift that keeps on giving—the Geminid meteor shower will also peak on December 13-14. All you need is your eyes to unwrap these celestial presents, but the supermoon’s prevailing radiance will compete with any Geminid that burns through the atmosphere. The full Moon has a -12.6 apparent magnitude, and that’s why the Moon is known to [Click Here To Read Article...]

Earth: Hell In A Handbasket

11/19/2016 // 9 Comments

Strap yourself into the nearest imaginary rocket and let’s get the hell off this rock! The Japanese flung a very sophisticated piece of machinery toward the Moon—an orbiter. Hey! Don’t forget your cosmic passport! You’re going to need it when you levitate over the Mountains of Madness. The SELENE Lunar Orbiter launched on October 14, 2007. The mission ended when the main orbiter was commanded to plummet toward the south of crater Gill, because all dignified orbiters go out with a bang, right? Exactly. Press the play button and you’ll eventually see something very [Click Here To Read Article...]

Crescent Moon In The Water

09/16/2016 // 24 Comments

  Are you in the mood to watch something romantic? Light some candles, turn off those lights, and sit in front of your computer monitor—it’s about to get a little hot in here. Just kidding! Ha. Come on. You should see the look on your face. Anyway… Have you ever seen a crescent Moon in the water? No? You’re in luck! Grab some popcorn and prepare to watch a boring movie. Wanna guess what it’s about? Yup! A crescent Moon in the water. The quality toward the beginning of the film is somewhat shitty. Please forgive my incompetence. Water waves distorted the crescent [Click Here To Read Article...]

5 Red Reasons Why Mars Sucks

09/11/2016 // 21 Comments

  Shhh…they may not tell you this in the science text books, but Mars sucks. Yup. It’s true. Hop inside your imagination rocket and let’s explore five reasons why we should never go to the Red Planet.   Number 1 Mars Is…Like…Ummm…Really Far Away     Yes. Fancy computer animations on television make it seem like Mars is just around the cosmic corner, right? Walk a few blocks to the Milky Way, pick up some…ummm…shitty milk, then meander to a red dusty world. No worries. We’ll be back before dawn. Yeah. What a pile of [Click Here To Read Article...]