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Time Killer

11/23/2017 // 2 Comments

  Ticktock, ticktock, that’s the sound of my loudmouth clock. Digital numbers pushing, bullying, controlling, telling me to be on time, Relax and I’ll tell ya what inspired the crime.   Seconds, minutes, hours—none of it ever mattered to me, So I went on a time killing spree. Weeks, months, years…all gone—it just had to be.   Drive-by stomped an innocent wristwatch with my lethal shoe, that’s when a little bird told me I was cuckoo. Supposed to be in class. Nope. No way. Not gonna happen. Just sat their on my lazy ass and earned my master’s [Click Here To Read Article...]

Torpedo the Soul

11/18/2017 // 16 Comments

  Lock on, ready, aim, fire! Sonar cries ping, ping, ping. The anomaly is not a liar.   There’s one-way to defeat. Destroy each other’s fleet. Go ahead and guess my number—you think won the goal, that’s when a torpedo explodes your soul.   Think again. No more chances. This ain’t no cheap board game. No plastic parts. No rules. Salty tears drip, drip, drip. “Ha, you miss!” My turn to sink your only battleship.             [Click Here To Read Article...]

Apples & Snickers: Sugar is Sugar

11/10/2017 // 13 Comments

  Eating healthy used to be simple, just stuff your mouth full of fruits or vegetables. The definition of “healthy eating” has been placed upon a greasy grill and burnt to a crisp. Delicious. A smart egghead says to eat this, while someone wearing a white lab coat says to eat that—who are we supposed to believe: Colonel Sanders? Or General Common Sense? Hey…come here…a little closer…do you wanna meet the Devil? Go in your kitchen and look for that sexy processed sugar, baby. Processed sugar is one of the White Devils—responsible for punching holes in our [Click Here To Read Article...]

Cat Attack!

11/03/2017 // 12 Comments

  Go ahead and stare at me the wrong way. Your face looking all whack. Say what you gotta say, Prepare for my cat attack!   Bundle up—scale the altitude of my attitude. Or swim inside your sea level anger. Big mouth provokes my crude mood, Do nothin’ but harass, I’ll hiss and scratch your fuckin’ ass.   What’s wrong? You look a little red…survived a close encounter with my five-clawed reaper. Dizzy, dumb and done— Lay down…your momma called…she’s here to cure that burnin’ fever.   Regret makes you feel like [Click Here To Read Article...]

Astroberfest: Six-legged Earthlings

10/02/2017 // 9 Comments

Get ready to chug some stardust—Astroberfest gives you all the right reasons to blastoff and not feel ashamed. Celebrate cosmic wonders: explore dark articles about celestial ghosts, or sip upon the intoxicating aspects of reality. Shivering never felt so good. Let’s begin right here at home. Earth.   A Monster Lives in My Backyard Most people believe monsters don’t exist. Those people are stupid. Don’t listen to them. Step outside your front door. Go on…if you got the guts. Don’t let the pretty sunshine fool your senses into believing everything is okay. [Click Here To Read Article...]

Shooting for the Moon: A Perspective on Prime Focus Astrophotography

09/01/2017 // 9 Comments

  You look a little funny…Oh! You’re infected with full Moon fever. Fire up your camera and get ready to photograph a celestial body. Does that sound sexy? Do craters turn you on? When you’re ready to stop blushing, please read this Moon photography guide, because protection is important, and no one likes an overexposed Moon. Trust me.   It’s Never Polite to Overexpose   Don’t get it twisted—the full Moon is pretty damn bright, and that’s all you need to know. A more sophisticated explanation involves comparing astronomical apparent [Click Here To Read Article...]

Mysterious Flower Murder Mystery

08/24/2017 // 8 Comments

  ** BREAKING NEWS ** A gruesome scene was discovered on February 16, 2015. A local ice cream truck driver notified local authorities of a possible homicide. When police arrived at 45 Love Dove Street—they found a flowery white carpet stained with blood. Investigators believe the body was dragged to a different location. No weapon was discovered.   Do you want to make an anonymous tip? Call us toll free at 1-800-Stop-Crime   A Glimpse into the Microcosm   Mundane things contain unseen secrets…if you look close enough. Flower petals were evolutionary designed to [Click Here To Read Article...]

Darkness in the Daylight: 2017 Solar Eclipse

08/22/2017 // 11 Comments

Daylight turned into darkness—the Great American solar eclipse shutoff all the lights. People all over America lost a little bit of sunshine, and if you were one of those people, please blame the Moon! The cosmic event inspired lunatics to stare at a blazing ball of fire, however, not everyone was able to observe the full solar eclipse. A partial solar eclipse was also visible to those who didn’t reside within the path of totality. A Total Eclipse of the Clouds The clouds were a pain in the cosmic ass, of course. Moments of clarity didn’t last long, and…don’t tell [Click Here To Read Article...]

Cosmic Headbangers

08/10/2017 // 9 Comments

  Planet Earth was jabbed in the eye 65 million years ago—an asteroid dropped from the cosmic vault and KO’d the dinosaurs. The scar can still be seen today, just off the coast of the Yucatan Peninsula. Earth was involved in another brawl much earlier in it’s boxing career. Thea, a young proto-planet, delivered a glancing blow across the jaw. Theia wasn’t a lightweight asteroid, either! The heavy hitter was about the size of Mars, and if Theia landed a solid uppercut, Earth’s face would have exploded into 14 bazillion pieces. But… …that didn’t [Click Here To Read Article...]

Grow Your Own Dinosaur

08/05/2017 // 8 Comments

  Earth used to be ruled by gigantic things with pointy teeth. The landscape trembled, quaked, and shivered—terrible lizards chomped with their serrated maws, and the vanquished ended up inside the belly of the victorious. A BIG rock dropped from the eternal black void about 65 million years ago. The apocalyptic force razed the planet’s surface and warped the environment into a living hell. Dinosaurs exploded like firecrackers. Everything else disintegrated. However… …scientists recently discovered a special volcano, and when they poured water into its protective [Click Here To Read Article...]