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Smack Talk

02/18/2018 // 4 Comments

1, 2, 3, here we go, Come up, step up, look down at me, Up against a wall. Nowhere to flee. Pop open your mouth like a switchblade—dull intimidation. Winning is my sharp justification.   Shut up, step back, listen to me, Turn around and walk— Or get bitch-slapped by my smack talk. Keep pressin’ and I’ll keep messin’, Your destiny is facedown on the sidewalk…outlined in dusty white chalk.   Listen up, sit down, I’ll show you how it’s done. Get inside your head—nowhere to run. This is all just a mind game. Some of us talk to have fun. You lost [Click Here To Read Article...]

Roman Romance Dating Advice: Flowers, Biters & Whips

02/14/2018 // 6 Comments

  Do you smell that? The flowery perfume of insincere affection intoxicates lonely souls—it’s Valentine’s Day. Open the box of heart-shaped chocolates and satisfy your insatiable craving. Everyone has needs. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between a mosquito bite and the sting of Cupid’s arrow. Love is itchy. Roman Romance will tell you if the itch is worth the scratch.   Question #1 Marcus Madeup Thanks for having me on the show, Roman. I stole a red flower from my neighbor’s garden and then gave it to my lifelong crush. The flower [Click Here To Read Article...]

Elon Musk Launched a Sports Car Into Space

02/12/2018 // 7 Comments

Are you ready to break the speed limit? Put on your seatbelt and let’s go to Mars. SpaceX recently tested their new Falcon Heavy rocket, however, launching a new rocket wasn’t enough. Elon Musk topped the technological sundae with an expensive cherry—a red Tesla 2008 Roadster. Because that’s what smart people do.     Falcon Heavy is currently the most impressive bottle rocket. Adorned with 3 magical cores and 27 Merlin engines—Falcon Heavy can lift a little more than 13 African bush elephants, which totals less than 175,000 pounds (79,378 kg). A single African [Click Here To Read Article...]

Weapon of Mass Instruction

02/04/2018 // 9 Comments

Intercontinental ballistic antagonistic, tyrant mouths spitting the same old music. Hollow rhetoric makes everyone sick, especially if you believe a chauvinistic prick.   Education defuses media destruction, launch your weapon of mass instruction. Protect true knowledge from political corrosion, or sit back and watch our broadcasted extinction.   They’ll start a war. They’ll take it personal. The winner will be the one with the biggest nuclear arsenal. Combustible egos—dry and fissile. Collateral civilization burned by a Hellfire missile.       [Click Here To Read Article...]

FTM Story Time: Medieval Weapons & Illegal Artifacts

01/30/2018 // 8 Comments

  Nuke a bag of popcorn. Sit down. Relax. I’m gonna reach into my dusty past and tell you a true story.     Let’s see…I was about 25-years-old and dead leaves were falling from oak trees. It was autumn. Cold and grey. You know. The type of weather that would give Ichabod Crane a massive hardon. I put on my cloak coat and drove to my friend’s house. The trip took about 35 minutes—zooming through a few country towns and some isolated roads. No big deal. The return trip was easy-peasy. Or so it seemed. I sailed down the road. Listened to some rocking [Click Here To Read Article...]

Bloody Lunacy: How To Survive The 2018 Super Blue Blood Moon Eclipse

01/09/2018 // 11 Comments

  Prepare for a cosmic calamity—on January 31, 2018—a rare lunar eclipse will cause the world to explode into a million pieces. Just kidding. Do you want to see the 2018 Blue Blood Supermoon eclipse? Well, you better sip some coffee before the birds start chirping, because If you live on the east coast of the United States, you’ll only be able to observe the beginning of the lunar eclipse, which starts at 5:51 am (EST). The Moon will not be visible during the entire eclipse. Sorry. The rest of the world gets the cosmic shaft, too. Sort of. Great news! You’ll have a [Click Here To Read Article...]

Infinitesimal Reality: Frosty Forest

12/20/2017 // 18 Comments

  Brrr! Put on your cozy earmuffs and get ready to shiver—we’re going on an itsy-bitsy expedition. No need to worry about icebergs or polar bears, because they don’t fit inside an infinitesimal reality. Shrink real low and let’s explore a frosty forest. Tiny, cold and delicate—frost sprouts like frigid saplings. A glass window becomes a field of minuscule trees and translucent leaves. A transitory existence: banished by warmth or a plastic scraper. Besides… …who wants to put their life on hold and admire frost? We have shit to do, right? Stuff the key in [Click Here To Read Article...]

Shaolin Kung Fu Master

12/10/2017 // 15 Comments

    Two fists of steel. Twirl with primal grace. Five knuckles bust your ugly face. Go ahead. Run. Retreat. Flee. I’ll unleash my fiery chi.   Sway like a crane. The answer is balanced denial. Swipe those fingered claws—counter with Tiger style. Bruises swollen and blue, feel the painful power of mystical Shaolin kung fu.   Forceful pressure stands no chance. Try standing 3 hours in horse stance. Learn to regret the fights you pick, or get knocked out by a flying butterfly kick.   Hide behind sharp steel. Laugh. I’ll still kick your ass with a simple [Click Here To Read Article...]

Spiral Notebook Horror Story: Tormentor (Chapter 2)

12/10/2017 // 9 Comments

    A gang of sad people wear their most expensive frown, and then meander inside Beyond the Horizon Funeral Home. Fiora sits by herself. Jonah, Kyle’s brother, leans against a podium. He catches a burp inside his hand, then tucks in a sweaty shirt. Jonah wobbles as a portrait of Kyle leers at anyone who’s willing to look into his dead eyes. Jonah wiggles the podium mic’s neck. “Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Hello? Hello? Uncle Gregory? Is that you?” Kyle’s cousins nod their heads. “My brother…he was a great man…my best [Click Here To Read Article...]

Poetry Absurdity: Cold as Hell

12/02/2017 // 8 Comments

          There’s a place that will make you shiver. Burr. No one is allowed to wear a jacket, that’s for damn sure. Fire. No snow. Never logical—forever paradoxical. Your last breath pays the price, you’ll freeze between two realms…like hot ice. Frigid antagonism. Rigid paroxysm. Volatile stasis foretell, the weather will be cold as [Click Here To Read Article...]