You better start crying…you better start pouting…I’m gonna tell you why! Santa Claus is not coming to town.
A supermoon is scheduled to throw on its cape and clog the sky on December 13, 2016. But that’s not all. Space is the gift that keeps on giving—the Geminid meteor shower will also peak on December 13-14. All you need is your eyes to unwrap these celestial presents, but the supermoon’s prevailing radiance will compete with any Geminid that burns through the atmosphere.
The full Moon has a -12.6 apparent magnitude, and that’s why the Moon is known to interfere with flying reindeer navigational senses. They usually steer off course…allllll the way to the Moon. Not only are these cosmic caribou sensitive to bright light, but they’re also compelled to blastoff into the sky. Some rockets have antlers.
The holly jolly red bastard in charge of stuffing his fat ass down a chimney doesn’t enjoy seeing his enslaved cosmic caribou smack into the Moon…even if it’s super.
Supermoons are relatively close to Earth (about 238,000 mi / 383,023 km) which causes lunar brightness to increase up to 30%. The Moon’s angular diameter also increases during apogee, but this effect will not be detectable by eye alone—it’s only apparent with a camera. The supermoon looks like any other full Moon.
Don’t be fooled by the Moon illusion! If the Moon happens to be near the horizon when you observe it, then the Moon will seem to be larger than the immediate surroundings, but this is caused by an illusion cast by our very own brain. The supermoon (or any Moon) will appear much smaller as it rises toward the zenith.
…do you see that?
Squint your eyes near Copernicus crater. The unusual black shape doesn’t appear to look like a standard impact crater. Let’s take a closer look.
What the hell is that elongated spiky feature toward the black shape’s top? Or how ’bout those dangling things near the bottom? Oh! It must be a cosmic caribou crater. Flying reindeer can reach speeds up to 85,000 miles an hour (136,794 km), and impacts are known to incinerate their furry bodies into caribou ash, which absorbs 98.97% sunlight. That’s why the crater appears black.
If we use Copernicus crater as a size comparison, then the cosmic caribous crater is about 58 miles (93 km) across! Are your jingle bells ringing? Because they should be! Santa must be feeding his damn reindeer growth hormone. We all should be worried.
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