Ahhh…here’s an ancient brain busting question: does size matter?
It seems like such an easy question to answer!…until you actually think about it, right?
Some really rad guys will often say: “You better be large and in charge!”
Or…if they’re really cool…they’ll say something like this: “Why be small when you can be big?”
We heard it all before, right? But how often does someone brag about being small? I’ll wait. What’s the matter? Can’t think of a single nanosecond when a pipsqueak bragged about his 2 inch pythons? Yeah…neither can I.
Hey! You know what the titans say…
Bigger Is Better
Ummm…a bigger what? Truck? Wheelbarrow? Bag of potato chips? The only big thing I see is the statement’s ambiguity. Bigger is NOT always better.
1. Difficulty Playing Hide And Go Seek
Yup. It’s true.
Mutant meatheads and plump hominids take up varying degrees of space and that can make it difficult to stuff themselves inside of a kitchen cabinet. I mean…if I were to snap my fingers and count to 10…how fast would you be able to hide? A pipsqueak could squeeze themselves inside a mouse doorway. Good luck trying to find them.
An individual bestowed with the gift of girth would probably still be standing in the same exact spot when the game initiated. I could see it now…shoulders shrugging…lips pouting: “What? 10 seconds wasn’t enough time!”
Yeah right—ten seconds is enough time for everybody. No excuses.
Smaller is clearly not always better, either. I mean…what would happen if a pipsqueak got into a shoving match with a sumo wrestler? The pipsqueak would explode like a cherry bomb.
I have a great idea! Let’s go to the amusement park!
2. Amusement Park Blues
Have you ever walked past the cool kids while in high school and witnessed nasty sneers or heard incoherent whispers? You did? They were probably having fun at your expense. The amusement park is kind of like that.
You can’t just strap yourself into any roller coaster and expect the butterflies to flutter in your gut! Just like you can’t stroll up to any table at your local high school cafeteria and expect a warm welcome! No, no, no—did you read the sign?
Balloon Swing Ride Admittance
YOU MUST BE THIS BIG: 4ft5 and under
Oops! See what I mean? Whoever said size doesn’t matter never been to an amusement park. Oh! It looks like you’ll have better success over there:
Turtle Teacup Tilt-a-Whirl Ride Admittance
YOU MUST BE THIS BIG: 5ft5 and up
Not to worry! There’s a ride for everybody. Not every seat is made for every ass, but if it fits, well…it fits. Large or small. Wide or narrow. Is it a coincidence that a square peg fits inside a square hole? Hmmm…we all have our preferences—and that’s why size (and shape) will always matter.