We live inside a very big piñata: stars…planets…rocks…dust…ice…comets…asteroids…galaxies…black holes—all of these cosmic candies are scattered here and there…
I don’t know about you…
…But I have a strong suspicion the universe is hiding more candy. Yeah. That’s right. Who knows what could be lurking beyond the infinite dark. Will it be a magnetar? A quasar? Ummm…what is that other thing…oh! A blazar!
If you smack the universe with a bat—candy falls out. Eventually. That’s the way it works.
Spark the Fusion Fuse!
There are many gaps in our knowledge of stellar physics, which probably indicates a type of undiscovered star-like object somewhere in the cosmos: firecrackers.
There’s absolutely no reason why a firecracker can’t exist. None at all.
A firecracker is too small to spark nuclear fusion, so it’s technically not a star (just like a crumb is technically not a piece of bread).
Brown dwarfs are star-like objects which are unable to sustain nuclear fusion—they’re relatively cool—and difficult to record. Imagine how difficult it would be to record an object the size of your hand. The meek radiation from such an itsy-bitsy thing would be undetectable by any telescope known to humanity.
The magnitude of a light source is directly impacted by its distance from the observer (inverse-square law). Go ahead and plug-in a 10 watt light bulb about 95 million miles away (152,887,680 km) and see if it’s visible from Earth
**Spoilers** You won’t see the light bulb. I think.
A glowing celestial tennis ball wouldn’t be able to emit a significant amount of infrared. Brown dwarfs are typically twice the size of Jupiter and are still difficult to observe. A firecracker would be damn near impossible to record.
Brown dwarfs can reach 800 to 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit (430 – 1,030 degrees Celsius) which is quite cool (for stellar standards) but firecrackers can be what’s known as “Fonzie Cool”: 150 to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (65 – 176 Celsius).
** What can cause a firecracker to form? **
Possibly none of the above
…Possibly all of the above
(I possibly have no idea what the hell I’m talking about)
The Pistol Star is truly pushing it to the limit, glowing with a combined power of at least 10 million suns. A star like that can barely hold on to its own plasmic guts—the above photograph is a falsecolor image of material ejected from the Pistol Star, which stretches out to 4 f#%!*$’ light years. Wait! I’m not done! The Pistol Star is believed to be 100x more massive than the sun and theoretically could of began its life at around 200x the mass of the sun.
Check out all of that lovely gas! Could a firecracker possibly form from such a cosmic commodity? Who knows.
Tiny Things Go Fizzle
When we’re talkin’ this cool and this tiny…well…who knows what else could be out there.
Earthly firecrackers are known to be unpredictable. Some go boom. Some fizzle. Some don’t do shit—the point is—not all firecrackers are treated equal. Even the hypothetical space variety.
All sorts of variables could impact the properties of a hypothetical cosmic firecracker:
Gas and Dust
That’s it! Well…kind of. I’ll inform you when more information becomes publicly available.
Could there really be celestial firecrackers floating in outer space?