Poetry Absurdity: There’s A Vampire In My Bathroom



I see a dark figure walking down the street.

Long shadows on brick walls.

There it stood: Skinny. Quiet. Pale.

She took my hand and we spun around.



Where am I?

Oh no!

Dancing between trash cans,

Here we go!

I think she bit my neck,

Red stuff on my shirt,

I can’t feel my legs,

I think I’m floating.

There’s a vampire in my bathroom!

Black hair clogs the drain.

Blood stains the sink.

No reflection in the mirror.

She tossed out all of my garlic.

Crushed all my crosses.

Pawned all my silver.

But I don’t care!

There’s a vampire in my bathroom!

The tub is a coffin,

Bats keep me away at night,

While she holds me tight.

The shades are always down.

Cold and dark.

No sunshine.

I have a vampire in my bathroom!

Please help me—I just want to sleep.

Two punctures in my neck,

She drained all my blood.

Why, oh why,

Do I have a vampire in my bathroom?

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About FlyTrapMan (200 Articles)
I have no idea what I'm doing.

6 Comments on Poetry Absurdity: There’s A Vampire In My Bathroom

  1. Ha, ha…that is a horrid and crude joke..very unfunny..so awful it made me smile! and your poem, my Prince of Darkness..is just horrid too and had the same effect!! xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Haha! She sounds like she’s kinda controlling. I’d be careful there! Lol. Very fun!!

    I saw a vampire in my bathroom, too! She was taking all my used tampons to make tea, she said. I know, I’m sick….that’s actually a very old, crude joke from middle school.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha — that’s horrid! I’m speechless! Haha…nasty ass vampires.

      Liked by 1 person

      • But it made you laugh, you equally foul man, you! Lol. So, tell me, you write that your poetry will only be posted for a week?! Ah, say it isn’t so!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I Looooove being foul.

        I hypothesized one week would be enough to post everything I have.

        I’m wrong — I have enough “poetry” to last through an entire lunation (not counting recent work).

        I don’t like writing the same shit over and over and over and over and over again, so — yeah — I don’t mind the change of pace.

        I’m not sure if I answered your question: Yes — I plan on posting “poetry” regularly — plus my other garbage.

        …For now! Haha.

        Liked by 1 person

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