Hey! Guess what? Do you want know what I’m sick of? No? Too bad! I’m still gonna tell you—I had it up to HERE with cell phones! You can’t see me right now, but my arm is stretched beyond biological capacity.
Yeah! That’s right! Everywhere I fuckin’ go—people have their heads down—hypnotized by some piece of shit screen. I mean..what…the…FUCK. Damn it. DAMN IT. Why? Why? Why now? Seriously…why now. Screen are nothing new. I lugged around a screen about 20 years ago. Do you want to know what it was called? A FUCKING GAME BOY.
I don’t know.
What is everyone actually doing on their cell phone? Huh? Riddle me that god damn it. Seriously. I HATE carrying a cell phone. Shit. How many glasses of vodka did I drink? Way too many. Why? Because cell phones irritate the fuck out of me. I’d rather have a mosquito bite my ass than watch someone fiddle their cell phone.
It’s not cute, alright? Cut it out. stop. STOP. You know who you are.
I should of been born 620 years ago. All this electronic déjà vu is boring. I’m tired of the brain-dead consumer mentality. We don’t need new phones every year. If you feel the desire to camp outside a store and buy a shiny cell phone…please…do me a massive favor…re-evaluate your existence. Pretty please.
Yeah, yeah, yeah—the technology is useful. I get it, blah, blah, blah, yup, yup, yup. I really get it. But most people are not using this technology for noble causes! Give me a break! Let’s be real! They’re fuckin’ updating their status (whatever the hell that means) and gawking at electronic entertainment. I hold no judgements, but let’s call a spade a spade, deal?
Do you want to know a secret? I can’t believe I’m telling you this…but…you can get by without your cellphone! Yes! Trust me! The sky won’t start raining amphibians nor will the ground quake beneath your feet and swallow you whole. Phone advocates loooove to spout a variety of fear mongering nonsense, which might make sense…if you choose not to think about it.
The big, bad wolf doesn’t care if you carry a cell phone or not. Period. End of story. A cell phone is not a guaranteed life-line. Do cell phones save lives? Yeah, but so does self reliance and common sense…
…And not walking while looking at a fuckin’ screen!
Hey! Guess what! You’re not going to believe this! Once upon a time, people actually walked undistracted! Yes! Can you believe that? Hahahahaa!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! Wow. Wooooooooow! Those were the good old days!
We need to start a revolution. Fast.