Ahhhh…The Red Planet…Where shall I begin? The dust storms? The past evidence of water? What about those strange clouds? Have you ever seen images from the HiRise Reconnaissance Orbiter? How ’bout the mission to blastoff a few individuals to Mars?
Allow me to repeat myself: Mars One is dedicated to research and training individuals to be able to flourish…on Mars. I’m not lying, pulling your leg, being deceitful—we’re sending humans to Mars. Soon. Someday, well, in the future.
No Beaches On Mars
My disdain for Mars is no secret: I can’t stand that rusted rock! All that dust and wasted potential…damn it. Why? Why can’t Mars orbit the sun just a littttttttle closer? Imagine if Mars had beaches, tiki huts, strange inhabitants drinking odd colored elixirs. Yeah—that’s a place I wouldn’t mind visiting. Wait, where can I find a place like that? Ahhh, I know! Right here on Earth. Lucky me.
The point I’m trying to make is this: people tend to unjustifiably glorify a rusted rock, as if it would be a desirable destination to vacation at.
I have news for you.
Are you ready?….
…Are you sure?
Mars is not a pleasant destination. There, I said it.
Let’s take a look at the tale of the tape:
Average Distance From Sun: 140,000,000 Miles/225,300,00 km
Diameter: 4,220 Miles/6,791 km
Length of Year: 687 Earth Days
Length of Day: 24 hours 37 minutes
Gravity: 0.375 that of Earth
Temperature: Average -81 degrees F
Atmosphere: Carbon Dioxide / Water Vapor
Seriously, imagine being confined within a very sophisticated trashcan, blazing through the celestial canvas, for more than a hundred days, then finally touching down…on a dusty, rocky, possibly lifeless rusted rock. Cool! Awesome! Great!…who the fuck am I trying to trick, right?
Where was I? Right, imagine getting out of your sophisticated trashcan, stretching your legs, yawning, then…that’s it. Sure, sure, you’ll do some grade school science experiments. You will most likely make some discoveries. Maybe. Hopefully.
The general public may become bored and change the channel on you. The general public is a fickle entity and probably won’t value the scientific agenda. We are too interested in those that chop off their genitals and religious warfare.
How can you can compete? What are you going to do…*gulp*…if supplies stop coming? Oh shit.
Now you’re stranded, all alone, on a rusted rock, trying to benefit a population, which doesn’t deserve your sacrifice. Now, if you’re willing to chop off your genitalia, then it’s possible to regain the spotlight. You packed a sharp knife, right?
The Ancient Rusted History
Mars has stories to tell. Dirty secrets lie under the dead river beds—who knows what could be lurking underneath. Fossils? Primitive lifeforms? Buried pirate treasure? Who knows. If we had a couple of really smart Homo sapiens prowling the surface of Mars, I bet they would make some life changing discoveries.
Spirit, Opportunity, and Curiosity are three rovers, designed to putter across the Martian landscape. I’m sure you heard of them, right? Curiosity is the most recent rover flung at Mars and it’s armed to the teeth! I’m talkin’ about laser beams! Coherent beams of concentrated radiation, which could turn rock into gas. Something like that. Do you know of anyone who could do that? Think really hard.
I think you know what I’m getting at, right?
These rovers are technological marvels: they’re a mobile tank of scientific instruments. How many discoveries have these rovers made? I don’t have damn clue, but I’m the sure the number is quite large. Some people argue that a rover can’t replace human cleverness and are unable to truly make profound discoveries, there for, we need boots on the Martian surface—not wheels.
Wait a few years and a rover will have the ability to read your mind, teleport and all that other cool stuff.
Imagine if Mars had a few hundred rovers—all heavily equipped with a variety of investigative tools. Imagine different kinds of rovers, each specifically designed to explore a particular environment. We could build a rover that resembles a mole, which tunnels into the Martian terrain. How ’bout a rover that deploys a tethered weather balloon? Why not a rover that sits in the middle of a dust storm and collects…dust?
Some rovers could be programmed with artificial intelligence—they could learn on the job and explore as they see fit, while making their own unique decisions.
A civilization can do anything…with enough rovers.
Keep Your Red, I Prefer Gray
You know, when I think of a vacant world, there is a place that comes to mind: the moon. I’m sure you heard of it, right? The Moon needs no introduction—it’s been hanging in the sky before any of us even been born. Yeah, that’s right, the Moon is an original gangster, and will be here long after you or I exhale our final breath.
The Moon can take quite a beating! Let’s take a break and look at some of the bruises:
See? I told you.
The moon is roughly about 238,900 miles away (384,400 km) and it took Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, and Micheal Collins around 3 days to make the trip. Not too bad. Mars is around 140,000,000 miles away (225,300,000 km), which means, you could fit about 58 earth-moon distances between Earth and Mars. Great.
My point is obvious: the moon is closer than Mars. Much closer.
The missions wouldn’t cost as much and they would be less risky. We owe space pioneers an opportunity to come home. We get to sit on our ass, they get to risk their lives, a two-way ticket is not only needed, but deserved. Permanent otherworldly settlements mean nothing if they become haunted.
We haven’t stepped foot on the Moon since 1972…yeah….1972! Can you believe that shit? I can’t. We haven’t stepped foot on another world since 1972, yet, we’re going to populate Mars. Right. Huh huh. Sure. Whatever. That makes sense. Total sense.
We’re new to the space game, yet, we have illusory aspirations. Why? I don’t get it. Well….I have a few suspicions: people watch too many science-fiction movies. I mean, shit, Bruce fuckin’ Willis could become an astronaut in a single night! Why can’t I? Why can’t you? Why can’t your neighbor? Space is soooooo easy.
The space game, in reality, is damn difficult. People have lost their lives playing the game—Who knows how many people died. We barely have stepped out of our cosmic backyard, yet, politicians believe we have access to the Millennium fuckin’ Falcon.
But, hey! Don’t worry! We’re going to Mars!
Want To Go To Mars? Sign Your Name
Many people don’t mind war until they’re the ones who have to pull the trigger. Think about it.
It’s real easy to suggest someone else to fight for a particular cause. Like all those greasy ass hags sitting in the U.S. Senate. Sure, sure, it’s easy for them to suggest a 19 year old should pick up an M16 rifle and go have their fuckin’ legs blown off. As long as you never put yourself in someone’s shoes, then it’s real easy to tell anyone to do anything.
What the hell does this have to do with Mars?
Suggesting someone to give their life for a space mission is irresponsible, especially one that is most likely a publicity stunt. If you’re not willing to give your own life—how the hell can you suggest someone else to? Every time I hear someone say we should be going to Mars, I say these fine words of wisdom: “Well, go pack your bags, motherfucker.”
Most people I talked to are very unwilling to fork over their lives. Trust me.
That being said, I can’t suggest anyone should go to Mars, because it’s a one-way trip, which proves we are not ready. Simple as that. A competent civilization would be able to go to Mars AND back (without making someone an unnecessary martyr).
Personally, I think the people who are in charge of Mars One, should be the first volunteers to blastoff. Why not? They’re names should be at the top of the list. If they believe in the mission, well, they should step up to the cosmic plate, and prove what kind of person they are. Why should Little Jimmy have to do it? He has a family, too, you know!
No one should give their life to Mars One, unless, it’s the people who came up with this beyond fucked-up project, such as Bas Lansdorp. It says in his bio, and I repeat: “Bas Lansdorp has never been one to let bold ventures intimidate him.”
Hey Bas—are you going to Mars in 2026? I read space flight is similar to climbing Mt. Everest, so it should be smooth sailing (even though it’s kind of difficult to turn into a piece of human charcoal while climbing a mountain).
If Mars One ends up getting a paycheck while someone else is putting their life on the line, well, they
could should better go fuck themselves.
Mine Is Bigger Than Yours!
We need to stop the celestial dick measuring contests. We need to stop planting flags. Mars One is a covert dick measuring contest—simple as that. Underneath all the pretty graphics, grade school science, is a shallow motive: go to Mars because that’s what people do.
What are the long term goals? What will Mars One do when their martyrs die? Send another? And another? And another? Fuck that shit. As far I’m concerned, Mars One recruitment methods are as sleazy as the US Marines.
Mars One designed these fancy graphics depicting futuristic living quarters. So cool, right? What would all the little boys and girls think? Something like this: “Wow! I want to live there! I’m going to be an astronaut! Mom! Mom! I’m going to be an astronaut!”
Instead of magical computer animations, Mars One chooses their language very carefully: “…Mars One is a global initiative aiming to make this everyone’s mission to Mars, including yours. Join Mars One’s efforts to enable the next giant leap for mankind.”
Wow! Are you serious? Me? Me? I could be a Martian? Really? I could help propel humanity into uncharted horizons? Wow! Mom! Mom! I want to be an astronaut! Mom!
What about this one: “…Mars is the stepping stone of the human race on its voyage into the universe. Human settlement on Mars will aid our understanding of the origins of the solar system, the origins of life and our place in the universe. As with the Apollo Moon landings, a human mission to Mars will inspire generations to believe that all things are possible, anything can be achieved.”
Very inspiring! I’m touched.
Just like when Little Jimmy sees an image of a bad ass marine, covered in camouflage and carrying the biggest fucking gun he has ever seen. Muscles gleaming, a knife in his vacant hand, a dead stare….yeah…that’s right….look at me….I’m cool….I’m a bad ass….you want to be me….be me….
These marketing schemes cast deadly illusions.
When it comes to Mars One—we don’t have the knowledge, tools, rockets, money, or expertise to launch a respectable mission. One way trips are not respectable, and, again, proves our profound ignorance.
I don’t understand how Mars One can suggest someone should give their life. Who the fuck are they? Who appointed them as the one’s responsible for flinging humans across the solar system? We don’t need Mars One. Fuck ’em. They should launch themselves to Mars.
Expanding The Horizon Of Knowledge
Exploration is in our bones.
Humans are lured by the unknown and will tip-toe across searing sand to look it straight in the eyes. The restless waters of Earth were no match against our creativity: we built boats and sailed upon the slippery surface of fate. Birds once owned the sky, but not anymore—we engineered our own wings.
When we looked within the celestial vault, we were lured by the inky blackness. We built rockets. We went way up there and didn’t care about the cold. We didn’t care about the lack of air—our suits kept us breathing.
A true explorer doesn’t need to be inspired. We are forever inspired. We don’t need words of encouragement. We need an eye of the horizon and the willingness to go beyond the unknown.
“If we die, we want people to accept it. We’re in a risky business, and we hope that if anything happens to us it will not delay the program. The conquest of space is worth the risk of life.”—Gus Grissom, Footprints on the Moon